Help!! I love him, but it's nothing to do with desire. We thought that this was temporary, but unfortunately it’s now apparently become a longer term thing. Frustration has surely subtly crept in for each of the two partners. Don't panic, there are always solutions to be found!
Tackle the problem head on!
That is easy to say! Together, and not one without the other. Should we seriously look into this question and put this on the table, in order to be able to get through this new experience together and not to tackle this each on their own, which can become a long-term situation that can also provoke anxiety?
Lucy, 40 years old has 2 children, has been in a partnership for 20 years with a man she has always loved, but for whom she now has a lack of sexual interest and is in permanent frustration. She shares her questions and her experiences with us, in order to try to sort things out over several months.
"No more knots in your stomach, no more burning desires that rise up and make you feel able to surprise your partner at any time. No more erupting volcanos! It feels like something is dead from the inside out and it's worrying. We ask ourselves all the same questions: why and whose fault is it? Have the vicissitudes of life killed off my sex drive? No, it's him, he's going too fast, he doesn’t know how to touch me, etc. It's me, I have become frigid, an ice cube that can no longer melt!!! Stop! This situation is not normal, how can we fix it ... ?
Lucy makes it clear that in the first place she had to make a choice, to make sure that this situation could really change.
Taking action, in particular by talking to her GP, who reminded her of the impact of certain medical treatments that could inhibit one’s sex drive, as well as certain ilnesses (and the modification of certain treatments). Then, off to the sexologist, to get exercises for each partner, equipped with creams and various small exercises to perform. After that, to the sophrologist to learn breathing exercises for the gentleman, in order to better manage his desire and stamina, because the lady did not have time to get started before it was all over!!
Next, an assessment at the gynecologist, which confirmed an absence of lubrication following severe vaginal dryness leading to micro-cuts and pain. By this time, the lady said to herself that you really have to want to want it!! With a little hint of despair, a long sigh, she has that feeling you get when you tackle an obstacle course. "Aphrodite has definitely abandoned me."
But no, there too is a solution: an injection of hyaluronic acid and laser treatment.
Fortunately this can all be embellished with a lot of humor for the couple, who set out to test erotic films, porn films and erotic literature with rather comical situations, not to mention the pleasure of sex toys! Lucy explains to me that she announced to her husband that she did not want him to look at the woman during a film!! "Well yes he already wants it, I'm the one who needs a starter!"
And don’t forget all the existential questions linked to the subject within the relationship, which had not perhaps been clearly mentioned (what is my real conception of sexuality, do I want to meet societal standards, am I ok with my body? What are my real expectations and fantasies and are they achievable with my partner? And so on.)
So to finish, Ladies, solutions exist for each of us using open communication with our beloved, a lot of willpower and a lot of humor, while on this sometimes tortuous path!! Today Lucy feels the joys of being able to feel desire once again, with immense happiness. Where there is a will, there's a way!
