The spiral of emotions often takes us down very tumultuous paths, where the complete panel of emotions have all their meanings.
In this article, without any restraint, we will address all the penalizing emotions that can be found in in a relationship.
Here's how to recognize a jealous person, to better understand your relationship:
What are the signs that a person is jealous?
Relationships are rarely simple. We are not going to try to explore the genesis of jealousy, but rather to lay out the main traits of jealousy in 5 points. Thus, we will define the source of the real emotional and relational crisis, which can imperceptibly take root in your daily life.
Lack of self-esteem
When you don't have self-confidence, you think that you can't keep your partner forever and it can become obsessive. If your partner lacks self-confidence, he will wonder what you see in him. He can sometimes be distant. He continually finds himself to be full of faults, which he expresses in a mocking tone. This can even turn into self-deprecation and a constant “poor me” syndrome! But behind these different behaviors, lies the implicit manifestation of a lack of self-confidence.
He doesn't feel safe when you're away. It's not the idea of having a rival that terrifies him, but rather the fact that you might leave him one day, so he is in constant projection. This type of jealousy is justified by a lack of affection, which he suffered during his childhood, following a parental divorce, for example. But it doesn’t stop there. Jealousy is also, and above all, the desire to possess the other person. The jealous person does not want the other person to leave, and it is behind this desire for control, that hides a state of emotional co-dependency.
Totally unreasonable: "the narcissistic pervert"
He has a constant need to be admired and valued, he blames you for your lack of interest in him. Driven by his pride and his disproportionate ego, he envies you, criticizes the way you dress, your professional career, your smile, your relationships. He is unpleasant and constantly tries to humiliate you. This is a serious sign of jealousy! The jealous companion finds it difficult to perceive love as a relationship of sharing and trust. We are drifting towards the narcissistic pervert.
What are the consequences of jealousy?
Whatever it looks like on the outside, jealousy between 2 people is bound to have an effect on the relationship sooner or later. If it is "moderate", the jealous partner will react in a more circumspect way, which will be considered as a proof of love. Thus, the fear he has of seeing his partner with another person will perhaps rekindle their love. Moreover, if anger, anxiety and doubt settle in, the relationship will falter. Envy, grudges, hostilities will eventually take over. When the relationship is toxic, the partner voluntarily imprisons themself in "an imaginary cage" and inhibits themself from all pleasures, and stays with the jealous partner despite everything, thinking that everything that happens is their fault. From then on, the partner then becomes the victim of repetitive moral and physical harassment. Moral harassment is manifested by repetitive questions (Where were you? With whom? What is going on between you? ...). Physical harassment is revealed by violent beatings, which is often more present in a marital relationship. A vicious circle where the jealous person becomes the executioner of his partner.
Can you permanently cure your jealousy?
Yes, of course! Even if jealousy has disastrous consequences within a couple's relationship. Nevertheless, this requires work on oneself, thanks to behavioral and cognitive therapy, which can manage to eliminate the destructive pattern.
“The jealous destroy what they are unable to create”. Paul Guth