Shouldn't gifts make us happy and grateful?
You hate receiving gifts, you would even go as far as saying that they stress you out!
The fear of gifts, more precisely, that of receiving them, is called capitellophobia. This little-known fear is far more common than you might think.
“I like to give gifts but not to receive them, I feel manipulated and indebted when I receive them... I don't like to celebrate my birthday either, it causes me a huge source of stress,” says Sabrina, 47. By the way, my favorite phrase is " You shouldn't have..."
Of course, reading this article you might ask yourself the question: but how is it possible not to like getting a gift? Or, if this characteristic is already present before you even started reading this, then we invite you to continue.
The Origins? Childhood Trauma!
The reasons for these fears are often associated with the idea of pleasure: intrinsically, the fear is not related to the problem of receiving. It is in the exchanges with the other person that everything happens. “I think that this can also change, depending on who is giving this gift,” explains Claire Rogers, Coach. "I'll give you an example of a person I have the chance to coach in this challenge of life: here is the case of Sammi, 45 years old, who comes from a terribly dysfunctional family. She received gifts from her dad for each family drama, a way for her father to rid himself of guilt. However, a child's perception is completely different, and the association of the gift and the conflict, then generates a reaction that can go as far as disgust, which obviously does not exclude experiencing fear."
Lack of self-confidence or lack of confidence in others?
According to Corinne Dollon, psychotherapist, "The ability to accept the gift requires having good self-esteem and a certain trust in others, it depends a great deal on what we have received before."
The idea of obligatory reciprocity can also get in the way. The feeling of being in debt after receiving a gift, will completely spoil the pleasure of the surprise in some cases.
Suffering is not a personal choice
We could also look at the idea of pleasure in giving and receiving, simply suspect a bad intention, or even feel uncomfortable.
Avoiding showing your emotions is still very much a reflection of a lack of self-confidence and very often affects self-esteem. For example, if you think you do not deserve this gift. Very often related to childhood, certain traces reappear in adulthood where the idea of receiving a gift is sometimes wrong.
In order to learn to welcome your emotions by receiving gifts, it will undoubtedly be difficult to avoid working on yourself.
The feeling of unease, the fear of revealing one's emotions or the suspicion of a bad intention, are the interpretations of a lack of self-confidence. Suffering is not a personal choice, it is possible to change and finally learn to accept gifts without fear, provided of course that you get help and as a Coach, I suggest you take a look at Gestalt therapy or expressed emotional dynamics.
In addition, some people think that everything can be paid for, including gifts. And that any service, any gift or loan, must be “reimbursed”, otherwise the door is left open to the installation of co-dependencies.
If you have locked yourself into self-punitive behavior: no gifts = no pleasures; everyone does what they can with what they have, and with what they have received. That having been said, you can decide to put an end to it, in the sense that it spoils the idea of pleasure for you…
That reminds me of a quote from Raphaëlle Giordano: Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.
