Can you change a narcissistic pervert?
Let’s begin with a quick assessment of what narcissistic perversion actually is. The narcissistic pervert proceeds in an "organized way,” in order to defend himself or herself from all kinds of pain and internal contradictions, and to outwardly expulse these feelings, allowing them to settle and brood elsewhere, at the same time overvaluing themselves, at the expense of other people”. (Paul-Claude Racamier, instigator of this idea of the narcissistic pervert).
Quite simply, the narcissistic pervert will throw guilt and criticism at his targets by devaluing them. He will transfer his responsibility to them and will display vague communication, changing his opinions frequently. Lies and jealousy will be his best friends for life. But, is this really for life? Is there no possible alternative?
A possible change?
Unfortunately not...The narcissistic pervert is a person who only very, very, very rarely questions himself or herself (Yes, we meant to put all those “verys” in!). Narcissistic perverts can of course be either men or women. It is more common in men, who tend to internalise their feelings more than women do. But still, recognise if you have a friend who criticises you, or does weird stuff that makes you put yourself or your behaviour into question, even if they are female, they may have this type of psychological issue too. For ease in this article going forwards, we will refer to the narcissistic pervert as being a he, but he could also be a she!
In short, here you are dealing with a genuine manipulator who will continually blame others for their mistakes. In fact, even if you give him or her a lot of love and tenderness, it's completely useless... If he doesn't want to change, he simply won't change!
In reality, for a person to change, it is enough for them to be aware of the problem to begin with. (At this point, there are only solutions to be found, and a good start is asking to be forgiven). But not only that! Following this new awareness, the person will work with enthusiasm, feeling the need to change. And, finally, to really get things going and make these changes a reality.
A practical case as an example is when, deprived of their prey, the narcissistic pervert finds themself face to face with himself...Then, their discomfort really shines through... Breakdown is likely! In this case, there is the possibility of helping him, but if and only if he asks you for help.
Is forgiving possible?
Remember that the narcissistic pervert’s final intention, is to shift what he does not allow within himself onto others. His victims will then begin to wonder if they are not the ones who are crazy and will naturally start to question things. Through constant insults, being undermined, ignored or being trodden on, the victim would have to be a really strong-willed person not to question themselves. This constant undermining or “out of the blue” attacks that the victim has to put up with, can lead to creating psychological problems for them, and this makes it even easier for the narcissistic pervert to prey on them. In this context, the partner has no choice, apart from to accept these multiple manipulations. The only alternative is to save themselves from this physical, verbal and/or psychological violence.
Forgive, sure! But with awareness! Above all, it is desirable to work on your own emotions and/or wounds as a priority. Otherwise, beware of relapse…Other narcissistic perverts will then knock on your door! Healing one's wounds, accepting and freeing oneself from the pain one has received, tend to be the pillars in order to be able to grant forgiveness, (you are going to tell me that it is not up to you to forgive… But in fact, forgiveness will allow you to free yourself from this past situation, in order to subsequently continue on your path of life, without the slightest resentment). Easy to say, but not easy to do! The work is long, but worth it!
We cannot change anyone, only the person concerned will be able to work on himself or herself, in order to accept their own behavior and to control it. Accept this, then do what you need to do yourself to heal your won pain. What has happened has not been your fault, you have simply been picked on by a manipulator.
The profile of a tantalising victim
The narcissistic pervert usually targets kind, benevolent, and accommodating individuals. Of course, that makes sense! Doesn’t that make easy prey? The victims of this manipulator will show empathy for the said person, while refusing to believe that he is responsible for his own behavior. Moreover, we often find it easy to defend these manipulators because they insist that they are “fair in every way.”
This person also tends to mix with people who are full of joie de vivre, sociable and dynamic. Remember the narcissistic pervert is ignorant of his own behaviour, and of the reasons why he does what he does, so it makes senses that he wants to hang out with positive people. At the end of the day, people in his entourage will find themselves weakened, tired out by this seemingly strange behaviour. But remember, this is a psychological problem and getting to the root of why it happens is a long, inward journey that most (and we mean most) narcissistic perverts will never want to carry out. Why? Because it’s your problem. You’re the one that makes them angry/disgusted/ashamed to be with you. Because after all you are fat/lazy/incompetent/a weak person.
If the narcissistic pervert was your ex, well done. You can now begin to heal. If you still have stuff going on with them, then beware. Have they listened to you about how they need help? How many hours have you spent thinking, worrying, or reading articles like this one?
Our advice; Look after number 1 first. Very soon, you will be glad you did!