Well, ladies and gentlemen, a very serious subject that we will try to address with a touch of humor if necessary and if you will allow us to!
Today, we are in an era where sexuality is mainly recreational, rather than being procreative.
So, is experiencing a decline in sexual desire in a relationship inevitable or normal? We will opt to say that it depends
A longer marriage, a happy marriage?
It is important to take the longevity of the relationship into account on this subject, because a new couple who have been together for just 6 months or so, will not have the same physiological, physical and psychological problems as a couple who have been together for two years, even five years, ten years and or more... (example: I love him but I no longer want to make love with him)
How to make this chemistry of love last and thus be able to immerse yourself into the exercise of 100 shades of colour to fantasize about?
The decrease in sex drive within the relationship can be explained by infinite variables and can concern either of the female or male partners within it. Life events invariably influence sexual desire: here are some examples of boosters and also obstacles that can undermine your libido.
Super boosters!
- The novelty, the dates and the first times (if you didn’t reach 7th heaven quickly during this, maybe refrain from expecting more later!)
- The project, the shared desires: a source of adrenaline that comes with the challenges; Travel, business creation, hobbies and passions, engagement, marriage, parenthood, first acquisitions, retirement and even sometimes the very idea of divorce….
- A mutual desire, even an unleashed desire to reactivate your production of serotonin, dopamine, endorphin and oxytocin, the ally of women everywhere for the personal fulfilment of everyone.
Super decelerators!
- The problems of life: bereavement, illness, work, unemployment, children, old age (and age differences), the transformation of the physical aspect of the other person (wrinkles, weight loss, weight gain), dependency problems, routine etc.
Result: Suddenly, a tasteless cocktail that we no longer necessarily want to bother stirring.
It is obvious that if your Sex God has transformed into Mr Beergut, the physical attractiveness can hinder your intensity of sexual desire and vice versa. But let's not be so simplistic. Shall we talk about the mental burdens?
The mental burdens in a nutshell….
This is how some men, women and couples find themselves overwhelmed by the mental burdens of our time and our daily lives. You know, all these injunctions that life throws at us: to keep in shape to remain desirable, to be good parents, to manage all the logistical aspects of daily life, to manage one's physical, nutritional and sexual health and many other concerns of this kind. And on top of all those, the state of the markets, a pandemic with physical distancing which frankly does not favour people getting closer together in general. In summary, the endless “to-do list” that we inflict upon ourselves in order to fulfil our already overloaded specifications! “Welcome to the 2020s!!”
And where is desire in all of this?
Well, we could say that the couple can count on the secrets of a successful relationship, using their multiple experiences. If their relationship is solid and everyone has the chance to express themselves freely in their relationship, nothing is impossible, and everyone has the right to slow down at times. Really accepting the other person and admitting that sexuality is different according to the different stages of life and that it is part of a whole and not of nothing.
Sometimes forgotten desire can come back out of nowhere, and in other cases concrete solutions need to be considered (a marriage therapist, personal development and/or relationship coach, or a sexologist).
